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Meanon · 12-13-2004, 04:26 PM

I really think we deal with things like this when we are ready, but the sooner you do talk about it the better. One year is not a long time to accept the death of someone you love without feeling distress, or feeling like crap when you remember them.

I lost a very close friend to cancer several years ago. After the very acute reaction at the time, I felt I should have got over it. I did, to a large extent. I cetainly wasn't unhappy, but thoughts of her, the deatils of her illness/death and the family she left behind would overwhelm me occasionally.

Often it's things with which we can identify most that we find distressing (in my case, parting from a young child). It's a reminder of our own mortality and how capricious life can be. Like you, I dreaded reminders of that awful time, anniversaries, birthdays etc.

I thought this would last forever, but 2 years after the event I began to wonder whether it wasn't time to talk about it again. I posted on a forum like this one, heard of similar experiences from others, got very upset and was able to put all the old torments to rest. Now I can remember her fondly, without all the distress.

I can't say much to console you, DA, other than to reassure you that what you feel is normal. You will one day remember your friend fondly, without distress and lead a richer life for having learned that life is fleeting and best lived to the full, every day.

12-13-2004, 04:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
Meanon Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 2,039	I really think we deal with things like this when we are ready, but the sooner you do talk about it the better. One year is not a long time to accept the death of someone you love without feeling distress, or feeling like crap when you remember them. I lost a very close friend to cancer several years ago. After the very acute reaction at the time, I felt I should have got over it. I did, to a large extent. I cetainly wasn't unhappy, but thoughts of her, the deatils of her illness/death and the family she left behind would overwhelm me occasionally. Often it's things with which we can identify most that we find distressing (in my case, parting from a young child). It's a reminder of our own mortality and how capricious life can be. Like you, I dreaded reminders of that awful time, anniversaries, birthdays etc. I thought this would last forever, but 2 years after the event I began to wonder whether it wasn't time to talk about it again. I posted on a forum like this one, heard of similar experiences from others, got very upset and was able to put all the old torments to rest. Now I can remember her fondly, without all the distress. I can't say much to console you, DA, other than to reassure you that what you feel is normal. You will one day remember your friend fondly, without distress and lead a richer life for having learned that life is fleeting and best lived to the full, every day.