Quote:
Originally Posted by GamerGal
thankyou duke, and meanon, i feel bad for ranting and getting depressed, i really do. because i have so many good things in life now, and i am truly thankful for them all. its just hard when the past haunts you.
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If you felt bad and didn't express it or do something about it, would that mean you didn't get depressed? Would it be a good or helpful thing? You need to express these feelings when you have them, GG. If you are doing the right thing, there's nothing to feel guilty about.
One of the ways that the past haunts people is that the habits of childhood persist. As Zil says, reminders of the past affect the way you think. Self blame is a survival strategy learned in childhood. A child is powerless, they can not confront and blame a critical parent so they blame themselves - it's necessary for their survival within the family. The first step to changing it is noticing when you do it, and you are begininng to do that a lot already. I'm not sure from your post if you realise that you're blaming yourself for blaming yourself.
I find it really helps to have some practical things to do to challenge the thoughts/habits directly. There are books and website resources I can recommend if you want to try this out to see if it works for you. Whatever way you choose, you're getting there GG.
The antidote to self blame is self compassion. Hard I know but imagine you are a friend and see if you can't give yourself an encouraging "well done" for all the good in your life that you've achieved and for the being the lovely person that everyone says you are, even if you don't believe them yet.