TZ I'm glad you are talking about how you are feeling, that's a good sign. Many people feel the way you do, you're not alone.
The first thing that strikes me is that, for you, the beginning of the story is the beginning of your relationship with Carrie. Your problems began while you were with her. So although you may find the loss of her love very difficult, it's not the ending of this relationship per se that's the cause of your current difficulties. I think it's important to remember that. We have a tendency to try and hang all our troubles on one peg and it's often not the answer. Having said that, any major stress, like a break up or an anniversary of one, will be harder for you to handle so do take care and seek the comfort of friends at times like these.
Please do persist with trying to find the right type of medication and therapy for you. There are so many types out there and what works best varies enormously from person to person. It does take time, careful supervision and several attempts to get it right in many cases. It's hard to be persistent with the medical profession when you feel this bad but please do keep trying. If you do I guarantee you will find a treatment that works for you and you will feel better.
I know you are not suicidal at the moment but the feelings of hopelessness you talk about are symptoms of illness. Please go back to your Doctor to discuss how you are feeling. If that doesn't work, ask for a referal to a specialist.
Stick with it TZ, you will find happiness again.
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