[Luba]

GG, who am I to try and make you feel better at this time when I'm at the lowest point myself about something entirely different...but because I love you I will try...

I got to THE lowest point at my last job, even to constanty complaining to anyone that would listen....I just hated what it was doing to my peace of mind but was unable to stop...once it starts it's like poison working inside you. BTW, please don't feel you have to apologize for posting what you are going through, that is precisely why I believe Duke started Lifesupporters, it's not just about the good, it's about helping to clear up what's poisoning us inside and be able to carry on....

Anyway, back to my last job. It got to the point that I would get a stomach ache and want to throw up every time I inserted the key in the door (I had to open up in the mornings). The ONLY peace I had was the one hour where I balanced the tills and the figures before others showed up...I literally started to hate our Assistant Manager and I'm not a hateful person...there was no way I could talk to the Manager about it because there was some gossip going around the two of them that I won't go into...

I knew I just had to do something; this situation was changing me into someone I started disliking immensely, I started to dislike being in my own skin and, of course, how does one shed that?

I grabbed on to the ONLY bit of sense of humour I had left, and believe me, it was just a tiny bit. I decided I would apply to this huge Company that I work for now...I just knew I couldn't go on indefinitely where I was. So I said to myself I would take a Resume or letter to this Company every two weeks for however long it would take...either they would get sick of all my Resumes/letters and hire me; or I would just keep going until I got too old to move...just with that decision alone I felt somewhat better. I HAD MADE A DECISION! Well, within two weeks and my second letter I got a call from the Owner/Boss and I literally cried at the interview because I was SO grateful to be out of the hell I was in before. I don't know if anyone has sobbed at an interview, but I just am who I am. He offered me Kleenex along with the job. The rest is history...I love him, his Company, and my peace of mind.

Sometimes what seems blackest comes the dawn when you just KNOW you have to do something, anything....I should heed my own advice at this difficult time. (Incidentally I did finally break down and have two small glasses of wine during a particularly difficult moment in these two weeks).

People were telling me that there were no jobs to be had when I was complaining and that I should just stay where I was. Since I don't believe in buying into that; even starting at a lower wage and adjusting one's life accordingly brings a certain peace. I now make more than I ever did with my other dead-end job even though I had started at a lower wage that I was getting previously. I just had to bite the bullet and move on...sometimes, GG, life has a way of saying you have to get out of the comfort zone, even if comfort definitely doesn't apply at these types of jobs, and be willing to bring Resumes to Companies/places that don't seem to be hiring at the moment.

Walking in and dropping off a Resume with a bright, sunshiny smile and a great attitude (even though you are crying inside) leaves a good impression with the person taking the Resume. Saying some kind words sincerely about why you are applying also helps.

Wishing you good fortune in whatever you decide to do, you wonderful girl, and we're always here for you!