Quote:
Originally Posted by moleen
Thanks for the advice,
Went to see him and the children today to stay the night, I tried discussing with him about our relationship, it seems like when I try to bring it up he thinks I am arguing, I don't want to argue, I want to talk to him about it.
I want him to care, to be supportive, its just so hard when he doesn't want to talk about it at all.I ended up going home to my place not staying.
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This is a very, very common pattern in relationships. When women try and discuss things to improve the relationships, men feel as though they are being criticised. Have you read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? I love the analogy in it of the woman in distress being in a deep well, they want the guy to throw a rope in and rescue them. Men in distress are far more likley to retreat to their cave and stay there alone. Any pawing around the cave entrance is most likely to be met by a warning growl! Of course it doesn't always happen that way, but often enough for it to be an issue for many couples. Marriage guidance may help you see things from the other's point of view and work out compromises if he is willing to go.
It sounds to me like you both desperately need some time together which is unmarked by conflict. He has retreated from you and whilst you are entirely justified in demanding your loving, supportive partner back again, it's not working. It sounds like you have set out your expectations quite clearly, why not see if he responds without you discussing the matter on your next visit? Of course you will not be happy staying with a partner who is uncaring and unsupportive in the long term, but if there is any chance of him regaining his optimism and confidence in the relationship, it may be that being released from the day to day conflict will help. This does not mean giving up on what you deserve, it means setting out your expectations and allowing him time to meet them.
Good luck and keep posting
