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Meanon · 08-23-2007, 05:19 PM

Hi Moleen,

It must have been so hard leaving your family when you needed their support so much. Remember your family will always be your family, no matter where you are.

I can see from your message that you just don't know what to do for the best. I guess that the timing of when you found out you were ill made you think that was the reason for the arguments. You have a large family and an illness like this would add to your stress, that's bound to have been a factor in causing your arguments but, like Duke said, it takes two to argue.

The only way of knowing if you can work through it together and maybe improve with treatment too is to try it. You'd not feel you had to leave if you had a physical illness, I bet.

But you're right when you talked about the effect on the kids of seeing and hearing the arguments. It's only worth trying to sort it out if you can protect them from this and that means being willing and able to have your arguments behind closed doors or when you are out alone. I guess time alone is limited with 6 kids, can social services help with some day care?

It does seem that your husband is being very unsupportive, but then he may be worried about the children too and also may find it hard that you keep needing to leave. He may find it easier to avoid that happening by asking you not to come back until you are better. He wanted it to work when you first came back, there's every reason to believe he still does but is finding it all very difficult, as you all are.

It's your house and family too, why do you need his permisssion to go back? Could it be that you want to go back but you are scared to do so because you felt you had to leave twice before and when you went back the third time it started going wrong again?

I think from your reaction you feel he has rejected you, but there is some common ground here - you are both scared and having difficulty living with the situation when you are together. I'd try and use this common ground to reach out to your husband so you can share your fears and find practical ways of dealing with them so that you can not only return home but stay there.

People can only give support if they are coping themselves, is your husband generally supportive or has he always been like this? Have you been referred to anyone (a counsellor, social worker or family therapist) who could help you through these difficult times?

It sounds to me like you are all reeling from the after effects of your stay in hospital but that there is much to be hopeful for. Try and stay hopeful, moleen.

08-23-2007, 05:19 PM	#8 (permalink)
Meanon Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 2,156	Re: Advice please, I dont know what to do. Hi Moleen, It must have been so hard leaving your family when you needed their support so much. Remember your family will always be your family, no matter where you are. I can see from your message that you just don't know what to do for the best. I guess that the timing of when you found out you were ill made you think that was the reason for the arguments. You have a large family and an illness like this would add to your stress, that's bound to have been a factor in causing your arguments but, like Duke said, it takes two to argue. The only way of knowing if you can work through it together and maybe improve with treatment too is to try it. You'd not feel you had to leave if you had a physical illness, I bet. But you're right when you talked about the effect on the kids of seeing and hearing the arguments. It's only worth trying to sort it out if you can protect them from this and that means being willing and able to have your arguments behind closed doors or when you are out alone. I guess time alone is limited with 6 kids, can social services help with some day care? It does seem that your husband is being very unsupportive, but then he may be worried about the children too and also may find it hard that you keep needing to leave. He may find it easier to avoid that happening by asking you not to come back until you are better. He wanted it to work when you first came back, there's every reason to believe he still does but is finding it all very difficult, as you all are. It's your house and family too, why do you need his permisssion to go back? Could it be that you want to go back but you are scared to do so because you felt you had to leave twice before and when you went back the third time it started going wrong again? I think from your reaction you feel he has rejected you, but there is some common ground here - you are both scared and having difficulty living with the situation when you are together. I'd try and use this common ground to reach out to your husband so you can share your fears and find practical ways of dealing with them so that you can not only return home but stay there. People can only give support if they are coping themselves, is your husband generally supportive or has he always been like this? Have you been referred to anyone (a counsellor, social worker or family therapist) who could help you through these difficult times? It sounds to me like you are all reeling from the after effects of your stay in hospital but that there is much to be hopeful for. Try and stay hopeful, moleen.