[Star]

thanks everyone and you all made me cry with your beautiful words. i love you all.

i don't feel so strong right now, in fact, i feel extreley weak. i don't know how i will function through this. i called my brother, the one i'm closest too and his wife. the rest of my family are on vacation so i can't tell them until they get back. how do i go about my days? how do i go to work and actually do my job now? this is so overwhelming news, i don't know how to handle it. my child. all i keep thinking is i don't want to bury my child. this is not the thing to learn a lesson. so many things are going through my head here, it's beyond belief.

i'm sitting here thinking "things happen for a reason". my all time thought that gets me through everything. so, i'm thinking of reasons...god wants krystal to learn how precious life is so he's given her this leukemia for awhile so she can appreciate life and get back on the right track...or....god is saying, you'll never change so i'm taking you home....which is it?? i'm so scared!!!! but, i'm not angry at god because i know he does things for a reason.

how will i sleep tonight when all i want to do is hold my precious baby girl in my arms and make it all better. oh god! how do i survice losing my child? i can't. i think that will be the one thing that sends me over the edge.

i keep thinking about my sister in law's baby brother who died from leukemia. it happened in months. that was the sadest funeral i've ever been too. a child, and 18 year old child. krystal will be only 19 next month. 19!!!!

i am so lost and confused and filled with mixed emotions i can't even begin to describe it all. it's my worst nightmare.