[PepsiChic]

thanks luba

i had a great talk with vautrin about it too (thankyou vautrin!)

and it really helped, i didnt feel nearly so worried as i have been.

I know dreams tend to be from things you fear or have thought about recently.

for about 6 years ive wished everyday i was dead. so i never ever feared it. it was something i wanted. instead i feared life. and living. So much has changed that recently, especially my bf, he played a big roll in heping me turn my thoughts around. and now i dont wish i was dead evryday, instad i dont want to die. its a huge huge thing for me to say that beause i never thought i would. so i know ive finally achieved something and hes incredibly proud! but now i dont want to die, obviously i now fear death, because ive been thinking about that its been at the front of my mind and i thnk thi could be why im dreaming it.

that after everything ive been through when i finally have something to live for, death would come and find me.