Sorry to hear that Star. It takes two to make a marriage work. If he has not tried to make it work, there seems to be no choice.
. All people have their shortcomings, but that does not entitle them to be abusive.
People change throughout their lives. What may have been the perfect man for you 19 years ago, may now be totally unsuitable - it is possible that you and Gerry changed in different directions, and as a result drifted apart. Change is no measure of success or failure. It depends on the nature of the change.
((hugs)).