I don't exactly know how or where to begin but the fact of the matter is that my marriage is in deep trouble. in fact, i've asked gerry to leave and to leave for good.
He's got issues of his own that all these years i've put up with and tried to help him with but now i'm tired and want out. Don't get me wrong, i do love him dearly and i believe he loves me too but i think we fell out of love with eachother along the way. we're just not as happy as we used to be and i don't think i can ever be again if i stay with him.
My side is that i don't feel appreciated at all. i feel like he takes me for granted and everything i do just isn't good enough. i need to find me again, ya know? i love being a round people and having fun, laughing, joking, being me and with him, i can't be that way. He critisizes everything i do or say. i just don't think i should take this anymore. i'm too old for this now. i want to be happy.
he's always cutting up krystal, which bothers me a LOT because, she is MY daughter and everytime he calls her a name, it kills me inside. i know she's not perfect, i know everything isn't peachy with her but she's still my daughter and him being this way with her isn't being a father to her that's for sure! he's now saying that krystal's not his, tells her these things (which won't help her AT ALL with her behaviour, in fact, it will make it worse) so i've decided to put a stop to it now. you know, when kass packed up her things and left last weekend (she did come back for her curfew), the reason she gave me was that she can't live with "dad" anymore. so, it's not just me. my kids are being affected and before it goes any further, i've told him to leave.
gerry is awesome with kids until they turn 12 then he has no clue how to handle any of it. he's not a bad guy, not by any means, but his issues are his own; his problem, not mine nor are they our kids. i need to protect them.
bottom line is that i'm tired of arguing, being accused of things i['m not or don't do, being nagged at every single day over the stupidest little thing, being unappreciated and feeling like i'm married to someone who doesn't give a crap. i deserve better then this. i deserve to be with someone who does give a crap and i deserve to be happy and appreciated.
i'll be happy with just me, my girls and my grandchildren living in peace.
so, my marriage is crumbling to the point of no return. i know me and i know that when he does leave, i won't let him back in. i won't take the chance of ever feeling like this again, especially feeling happy being on my own.
this was hard for me to write because i feel like a huge failure. i feel like i've wasted 19 years of my life with a man that probably wasn't the right one for me (we are total opposites). well, not right for me anymore i suppose.
