[Meanon]

I agree DA. When I was talking about normal, I was referring to the self perception of the reactions of the parents.

In terms of their reaction to the child, whether they were born with the disability or acquired it during life makes a huge difference. Both have reactions of loss, which as you say is about loss of what could have been, but with a parent of a child born with a disability they usually get over this fairly quickly as they begin to love and accept the reality of the child that is there. My friend was like this, it was an issue at birth, after than she worried for him but she was fine with his disability and celebrates his successes which are just as real as any other child's.

I think it's harder for the parent whose child acquires a disability in life. There is all the guilt to do with them feeling they should have been able to prevent it, anger and confusion at why/how it happened, difficulty accepting that the person who is now their child may be very different to the one they knew before the accident. usually this happens if brain function is affected, physical disabilities are much more easily overcome. This is a loss for which their is a reminder every time they see their child. They do still love them and are proud of their achievements, but the loss is not just about expectations, they have lost the person that they knew.