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to approach a problem not with attack, but gentleness, because you never know what the person is feeling.
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I think that's very true. Usually, the person's behaviour makes perfect sense from their perspective and by talking about it you can understand why they are reacting the way they are and they have an opportunity to question whether their perspective is right. If you attack they just defend themselves, they become more fixed in their position, not less. Having said that, people's behaviour is so unacceptable you just have to tell them it's not on, whatever the reason is for it. I suppose it depends what you want to achieve. I bet she'd much happier now you've shown her you are not her enemy.
I can't bear workplace dramas. I had loads on my team when I first worked there. I made made them all do personality assessments and we had a team build to discuss them and do other team stuff. It stopped all the problems, but I think it may just be that they never want to have to do that again!