[Duke]

I'm really sorry for what is happening to you, if you ask me, it's completely unfair.

I think you have done extremely well for yourself given the circumstances. If your correct about even half the things your mom is involved in then you should feel proud of yourself as well. It's so easy to get drawn into a world of negativity when it's surrounding you and it's all you know yet you have risen above it and flourished in school. Congratulations, I personally don't know you but I can honestly say, I'm very proud of you and I'm also extremely happy for you.

I wish I could give you some insight as to how to deal with your mother but the problem is that she isn't thinking rationally, or so it would seem from your post above. If this is indeed the case, it's a sad state of affairs indeed. I don't know that there's much you can do for your mother because she seems only to be living for the moment and only concerned for herself, not for her daughter (as she should be IMHO). It sounds to me like you have done all that you can do without watching your own life spiral down the drain as your mothers seems to be.

I think the only thing you can do is let your mother know that you are available for her (assuming you are) when she decides to clean up her act and actually be a mother for you. Until such time, I'd put some distance between her and surround yourself with caring, nurturing and supportive people (either friends or family). First I'd look toward family though because family is more likely to stay in your corner when controversy arises.

There's nothing you can do about your relationship with your mother either because she's clearly not considering the damage being done at this point (and likely never will). In fact, there's a strong possibility that she may not even be fully aware of the trouble it's causing you because she's too wrapped up in her own world. This I know from experience so it won't do you any good to continue questioning why your mom is the way she is, she just is so be glad your not. In fact, you can even be thankful to your mother for showing you a shining example of how not to be a parent.

My personal experience has been to allow my childhood to trouble me and I grew very bitter about it for many years until it finally rose to the surface and bit me in the @ss. I've now let go of my demons, part of it being a coming to terms (as I pretty much described above) as well as creating a site like this so you can discuss intimate details like this with someone and have yourself heard. Everything I've done in my youth was unhealthy so this is another reason I am proud of what you've accomplished.

I'm not sure if I've covered all the bases here or helped you whatsoever, if not, please feel free to ask more.

Sincerely,

Ken