"Today I drank some free beer, during a military parade in Florida."
Next day: "I am so friggin' frustrated by the fact that my girlfriend needs to slaughter a tree to please authorities."
Next day: "My bum was itchy."
After that: "My parents in Romania drive me insane."
"I finally got the paper from school, stating I have finished high school this year. Luckily it does not matter much, as I am already hired for a job. Looking forward to that."
It seems that Duke would probably be your best stand-in
, although I doubt that anyone wants to read about an itchy bum.