[Paul]

I just got back home from spending a couple hours with him, we were doing some business so we had some time to talk. My stomach was in knots thinking about what to say but when we got on the topic for the third time I tried to make some points. Unfortunately I got choked up emotionally and couldn't speak well, I don't know if he noticed or not but he never said anything.

I told him that I was very upset all night thinking about his situation. He asked me why and I told him that his daughter can't grow up in those conditions. He wholeheartedly agreed with me but went silent. I almost cried saying it, it hurts me that much, but I caught myself.

It sucks, I feel horrible for talking so negatively about the subject all the time with him, however he's the one who brings it up most of the time. But I still feel bad. She's the one who says negative crap to him, tears him down when he tells her anything, tells him that his ideas won't work. I don't want to associate negativity with his time spent with me as we have made a habit of being very positive about our business, goals and ideas. Quite often though, when we talk about the negative things, I'm able to redirect the conversation back to a high note before it's finished, so he doesn't leave on a downer. I hope it's working.

My goal for talking with him was to find out certain pieces of information and apparently someone can be held for 24 hours on mental health grounds, for observation, and longer if they find a problem. I mentioned that it would be nice if she could get help and go back to the way things were but he told me that she made it very clear in some explicit terms that she would be doing no such thing.

We were discussing another relationship between 2 people we know that was really bad and the woman had done some questionable things. He thought about it a second and then said "well J's not that bad". I immediately reminded him of the physical violence. He conceeded with, "well... ya...".

We talked about the old days when we use to party, hang out and have a blast, we were best friends that did everything together. He told me how surprised he was when I just packed up and moved halfway across the country, we discussed why I did and how it was the best thing I had ever done. He went on later in the dicussion to tell me he wished I would do some of the things again, that we use to do, like have parties and hang out with people, we use to be pretty socially active. Nothing wild, I don't even drink, just fun times with people we know. I asked him why he wanted me to do those things, he said so that he could watch, he laughed andn said he wants to be able to do those things through me. I explained the error in his logic and that he could be enjoying himself too, that he's only 26 and he shouldn't think his life is over. He agreed.

I made a bold comment at this point and told him what hurt me was that it was going to take him going through hell and me watching for him to finally realize how bad his situation was and change it. He said "I know how bad it is, it's just that it would be just as bad to leave her as it would to stay." He had told me earlier that when he did try to leave her once, she went through a range of actions from violent to laying on the floor holding his ankle trying to drag on him as he walked towards the door. I asked him why he put up with it and he told me that if he ended it, J wouldn't leave anyway and also all his stuff was there, that there wouldn't be a safe way to part one from the other.

He also admitted it was because of his daughter that he was still there, at which point I reassured him that he couldn't let her grow up in that situation. We didn't get to talk about the legal issues, which I want to, but he told me that he would leave if it got any worse. I fear any worse and it will be to late.

We haven't talked about the beating/bruises issue since the first time he told me about it and that it hurt. He said that he'd have no qualms about clocking her back except he'd never see his daughter again, he doesn't feel it's right that she can hit him and he's not allowed to do anything. It makes him angry and he's scared that one day he might just slug her but he knows that would just make it worse, I think he feels trapped. I'll suggest that he should document/take pictures of bruises next time, to protect himself.

I adore his daughter, she's just over a year old now and is running all over the place. When I visit, she runs over to me and grabs onto my legs, wanting me to pick her up. I spin her around and we chase each other around the apartment until she's screaming and laughing.

I'd hate to see how she would turn out if her mother raised her, she already makes comments which shock me and make me very concerned. Stuff like "she'll be sleeping around by the time she's 14. I'm going to take her far away and she'll never see her father again." She makes these comments half laughing and smiling, like it's supposed to be something we'll laugh at and agree with. S and I were discussing how J says things all the time like how "I'll burn all of your stuff" or "I'll take all the money and just leave". Then she will take large sums of money and put it in her own account or buy useless garbage, then she wonders why he changed the passwords for his bank account, she feels insulted even, but he alludes back to the comments she makes. She tells him she's just joking/wasn't serious, whatever, just to get him to do what she wants but he tells me that everytime she spouts off at the mouth, she says things that shock him and he thinks there's a little truth in every comment. She doesn't even realize half the comments she makes, I told him she's got a random phrase generator running in her head and not much else, as she will make the most bizarre blanket statements with no proof and challenge you to disagree, arguing over the stupidest things. When she makes a comment about doing something drastic/dangerous, he mentions it and she says she wasn't serious or didn't say it. He tells me "if she's saying it, she's thinking it." I tell him that if this is the stuff that's coming out then obviously she's considering it subconciously.

I'm going to pay close attention to what's going on over there in case something serious happens. He made a comment today about a fight where she was going to call the police but he pulled the simm card out of her phone so she couldn't. I asked him when this happened and he played it off as "awhile ago" but the way he said it made me think it was within the past couple of days. Anyway if anything else happens I'm going to push for him to tell me so we can take action sooner rather than later.