Many many times, I thought it wasn't him, it was me. I was oversensitive and very mature for my age as a little girl. You see, I don't despise him for what he does now, but for what he did then, when I was so young and defenseles. I've seem my mom letting him get near her and hitting her when he could.
He only phisically hit her once - really bad. But fights that were about to get physical they've had a lot. He was a real jerk to her. Still is, but got milder with age. That and the fact that my mother has the money give her the main advantage.
My dad is a mysoginist. He isn't one in order to spite women, he simply thinks poorly of women. He never ever believed in me. Never. And I had tried my best to amaze them - both my parents. The thing is I feel his type of attitude immediately on the other men. Maybe it's a mild joke, or just a word out of context.
this year I've started having reoccuring nightmares about when I was a little girl and my parents were fighting. After all this time...
I can't bear the thought I could do this to my children when me, not even now did I manage to get over my childhood. It's true that one cannot live for her children either, but still.
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