Who cares about their freakin' party, I'm sure it's just a bunch of snobs getting drunk together.
As for the arse kissin'... damn, that's a taugh business. Just tell her you have plans somewhere else anyway, and try to seem really disapointed that you couldn't make it. And then say something "very encouraging" like "I'm sure you'll have a very good time" and sound just a little condescending.
Only you know the irony behind it and you aren't making yourself an enemy.
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