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Luba · 07-16-2005, 09:07 PM

I have been thinking long and hard about someone's post of forgiving their parents, and for the life of me, I can't remember who it was! (Must be the forgetting thing that comes with age which is why I'm posting it here)
Until I read that post, I thought I was the best Mother I could be and was pretty okay with that! Since I read that post, I have had second thoughts on that! I thought giving love to my sons and them knowing how much I loved them was "it"! Now, I know different!
I got to thinking about my own parents, and how I had forgiven them their parenting or lack of it sometimes. Well, I did the same! Love just isn't enough when you are pursuing your own goals which is what I was doing when they were growing up and still needed me. This is making me cry because though they had my love, they had very little else of me because I was working and studying to be 'better' than what my parents were, so instead of asking them how their day was or playing games or just sitting quietly with them, or being there for whatever they needed from me, I was studying and driving my one son crazy with my clacking typewriter (which is what we used in those days). I wanted to be a Legal Secretary because I loved the Law and with working full-time and studying two heavy courses every six months, I look back and know I gave my children very little of me! You know what the saddest part of this is?...I got my Legal Secretary Diploma hanging on the wall and I don't even like to fill out paperwork now...how sad is that? I'm doing work that is totally different now and love it, and requires a minimum of paperwork! And what happened? My beautiful sons grew up and I would give a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g to have that time back just to put my arms around them, watch some movies, eat some popcorn, and laugh with them!
I've forgiven my parents, I've forgiven friends who hurt me, I even forgave my father-in-law before he died, but I have a hard time forgiving myself for the ache I now feel for not truly being there for my incredibly wonderful sons!

07-16-2005, 09:07 PM	#1 (permalink)
Luba Moderator Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 13,083	Forgiveness... I have been thinking long and hard about someone's post of forgiving their parents, and for the life of me, I can't remember who it was! (Must be the forgetting thing that comes with age which is why I'm posting it here) Until I read that post, I thought I was the best Mother I could be and was pretty okay with that! Since I read that post, I have had second thoughts on that! I thought giving love to my sons and them knowing how much I loved them was "it"! Now, I know different! I got to thinking about my own parents, and how I had forgiven them their parenting or lack of it sometimes. Well, I did the same! Love just isn't enough when you are pursuing your own goals which is what I was doing when they were growing up and still needed me. This is making me cry because though they had my love, they had very little else of me because I was working and studying to be 'better' than what my parents were, so instead of asking them how their day was or playing games or just sitting quietly with them, or being there for whatever they needed from me, I was studying and driving my one son crazy with my clacking typewriter (which is what we used in those days). I wanted to be a Legal Secretary because I loved the Law and with working full-time and studying two heavy courses every six months, I look back and know I gave my children very little of me! You know what the saddest part of this is?...I got my Legal Secretary Diploma hanging on the wall and I don't even like to fill out paperwork now...how sad is that? I'm doing work that is totally different now and love it, and requires a minimum of paperwork! And what happened? My beautiful sons grew up and I would give a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g to have that time back just to put my arms around them, watch some movies, eat some popcorn, and laugh with them! I've forgiven my parents, I've forgiven friends who hurt me, I even forgave my father-in-law before he died, but I have a hard time forgiving myself for the ache I now feel for not truly being there for my incredibly wonderful sons!