It's really heart breaking to hear your story bud, even more so because you obviously care about what's happening and love your family very much. Personally I've never been through anything like that and can't imagine how hard it must be.
I'm with a girl who I love very much who has hurt me and on the occasion still does but no matter what, I let her know I love her. Recently she moved in with me and a short time after she made it clear that she no longer loved me and was moving back home, which ripped me apart. The only things I could think to do were selfish and would have just pushed her away more so instead I told her that I loved her, that I respected her decision because all I want is for her to be happy, which is the truth. Also I think that's an important part of love, it can't be selfish. In the end, she apologized and told me that she wants to stay and make it work, she even got a job today and has shown a lot more interest in our relationship, something which she seemed to be losing.
My only advice is perhaps just tell her how you feel and ask her what she wants to do next, as Duke advised. It doesn't have to be confrontational but for the sake of your family, it's important that you all know where you stand. I wish you the best in this hard situation.
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