Man I'm really sorry to hear of your situation, I've been through it myself and suffered from depression, even planned my own suicide during that time. My mind was always racing, trying to figure out what was wrong, I was working two jobs and we had a newborn baby girl together. I hate to say it but I do know what your going through and it's going to hurt for a while my friend.
I'm not sure if my situation is exactly like yours but I'll give you my "hindsight" take on the whole situation. I loved my ex, or thought I did, to this day I'm still not clear on that point. I too have very strong family values as my parents are still married and I always thought I could hold a marriage together. Turns out I was wrong.
My wife was unresponsive to virtually all of my needs and the only communication we really had was about how she felt. It never seemed to matter how I felt, but I didn't care much because it was all about her and our baby. I feel I did all I could but ultimately she asked me to leave, and I left with a broken heart. Having to say goodbye to your child is horrible because you will no longer live with them again and that thought is just horrific. Many women don't seem to understand this, or choose not to acknowledge it, or so it was in my case.
The worst part of it all was that we argued constantly, in fact, it only worsened after we split. It got to the point where I actually threw the phone across the room where it shattered on the wall. Problem was, my daughter was watching in wide-eyed horror. I have never, nor will I ever allow myself to get like that again, especially in front of a loved one.
I cried myself to sleep for close to 6 months. I had no car, a crappy apartment, no furniture and a job that I hated that payed nothing. I was broke and now paying excessive child support all to a person I was growing to hate. The entire situation sucked and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but the fact is that it happens every single day.
I'm sorry for what your going through, I hope it works out but it almost sounds to me like she's accepted the future and you may not be in it. I hate saying that but I want you to be aware that it is a distinct possibility.
You may want to try a few things such as:
- give her some space, just make her know that your around if she want's to talk.
- discuss seeing a family therapist
- ask her point blank if you guys should split for a while
I know the last option is tough, but you may want to consider it. The last thing I want to say is don't do what I did. I put myself last and my world evaporated, I lived through my daughter and ex. The only thing that happened as a result is that it didn't help the relationship at all and I fell much harder when the relatiohsip ultimately ended. You're an important member (crucial in fact) of the family, don't ever forget it.
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