From what I've observed there are different kinds of love, the Greeks break it down into 3 types:
eros has to do with sensual love, most romances are built on, it has no enduring quality of any kind
phileo is the love of one brother for another, it's the love of a father for his child, typically follows bloodlines
agape is a deeper and more intense and eternal love, even when the recipient doesn't deserve it, love no matter what
Love is a complicated thing but IMO it's one thing that when it's real, you know it. What you feel for your daughter and what she reciprocates to you Duke is real love. To find that intensity of love with and from another person, a mate if you will, is rare, but when that happens you have found your lifetime companion. Not many people do find that person, to often people miss what's right under their nose, settle for someone who doesn't deserve them or give in to pressure to get married, which isn't the point of love at all.
My personal experience is limited in the amount of love but just as intense in scope. Outside of friends and family, I've only loved one girl, when I met her and got to know her then I loved her as a friend because she is someone who has a personality and attitude that is eternally positive, open, giving, caring, loving and in return is easy to love. As we've gotten to know eachother and entered into a relationship I've discovered that we are extremely compatible in our attitudes, views and ideals, but also that I love this person and care about this person like I do about myself. To any relationship this is essential! True love is selfless, when I'm with her it's not about what I can get out of it, it's about her pleasure and enjoyment! Love is all about the other person, this is also how you'll know whether it's real or not because the other person will be concerned about your pleasure and treat you the same way. We respect and admire eachother, can hold an intelligent converstation and learn from each other, appreciate and despise much of the same things. The fact is her and I deserve and appreciate each other, we realize the value of what we have and hold it in high esteem. What I know from being with her is that I love her intensely, enjoy just being with her and from her actions and words I know she feels the same. I would even go as far as to say that I've met my match.
What's awesome about it is I'm completely aware of the role emotions play, how people want to be in love and will fool thier minds into believing anything. I understand that we change and people change and that with all the circumstances that arise in this world, I might not be with this girl forever, her and I have talked about this and realized that most importantly we have a strong friendship which is the base of our relationship which is a good foundation to base everything on. If either of us felt that the relationship wasn't working or our feelings changed, we have enough respect for one another to discuss this with each other and realizing that we always have our friendship to fall back on.
If I truely love someone, would I try to hold them in a relationship where they weren't happy? Would I force myself into thier life or push my ideals on them? That wouldn't be love at all, true love is evident in the fact that you're willing to let someone be who they are, love them for who they are, let them grow in thier own way and sometimes that even means letting someone go in hope that someday they might find thier way back.
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I think that if you experience the above emotions with your significant other, and know the feelings are reciprocated, then you've met your lifetime companion. The question becomes though, how do you know exactly what your spouse is feeling? How do you fall out of love?
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These are great questions Duke and to the best of my ability I'm going to take a crack at answering them. You can never ever know exactly what someone else is feeling but you can get a very good idea by thier actions. As I said before, true love is about being selfless, about being preoccupied with the well-being and pleasure of the other person rather then yourself, you can get a pretty good idea of the level and validity of love your mate has for you by the way he/she acts towards you. But the same goes for you, if you truely love him/her then you won't just show it, you'll live it.
How do you fall out of love? Well as I suggested before, I think people can grow apart or change but personally I think that if the relationship isn't based on a loving, caring friendship in the first place then any strain on the relationship can spell doom. If it is based on a strong friendship then you never actually stop loving the person, you're just smart enough to realize when something isn't working or is having a negative effect on either one of you and step back from it, that is if selfishness isn't part of the equation. My personal opinion is that if you fall out of love with the person, you probably didn't really love them in the first place, more likely you loved being with them or how they made you feel, but feelings can change.