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Laura · 04-14-2005, 01:30 PM

The other day my fiance and i had a pregnancy scare. Turned out that i wasn't pregnant, however the thought that i could be had us in turmoil all day. The Doctor told me to go off birth control for a while and let my body get back on track before i start again, i have been on it for seven years straight. I'm getting married September 4th, 4.5 months away, because of our pregnancy scare my fiance has said that he will not make love to me until we are ready to have a baby. This worries me because we both have careers and are quite possibly moving to Ireland after our wedding. Babies are not in my immediate future. I am starting to wonder if sex is either. Am i about to enter what could be a sexless marriage? How can he take this part of our relationship away and not expect me or understand why i am so hurt and bothered by it? My fiance is far more catholic than myself, and would prefer that i not be on any type of birth control. He recently told me that sex isn't worth it to him if i have to be on hormones or he has to use condoms, it should be completely natural. I told him that i would not become a baby machine and quit my career to raise his empire for him. Birth control is a must in our marriage and if it doesn't work for some reason, then we will have a baby and deal with it; we will be married and we are already succesful. His reply was that we will concern ourselves with that when we get to it. That really bothered me, i have no intention of staying off birth control, and i am in fear that he will withhold sex from me within our marriage. I can't get him to promise me that that birth control within our marriage will not be a problem for our sex life. The thing is, he only recently got obsessed about me not being on birth control, and if i am not, than we will not make love until after we are married. It's as simple as this, i enjoy sex and i don't want to give it up with my fiance for the next 4.5 months. My plan is to stay off BC for a couple of months and then go back on just before our wedding. i will have better control of whether or not we have a child, but if an accident happens, we will be ok. He tells me that 4.5 months is nothing, and that he's hurt by the fact that the sex is so important to me, i'm hurt for the exact opposite reasons. He says it's to ensure that i don't get pregnant before our wedding, but i feel undesirable, unsexy, and punished by him for taking this out of our lives. How should i address this? Let the four months go and enjoy married "Love" or somehow insist on physical love between now and then? Any guidance is appreciated.

04-14-2005, 01:30 PM	#1 (permalink)
Laura New Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 7	my fiance took away sex The other day my fiance and i had a pregnancy scare. Turned out that i wasn't pregnant, however the thought that i could be had us in turmoil all day. The Doctor told me to go off birth control for a while and let my body get back on track before i start again, i have been on it for seven years straight. I'm getting married September 4th, 4.5 months away, because of our pregnancy scare my fiance has said that he will not make love to me until we are ready to have a baby. This worries me because we both have careers and are quite possibly moving to Ireland after our wedding. Babies are not in my immediate future. I am starting to wonder if sex is either. Am i about to enter what could be a sexless marriage? How can he take this part of our relationship away and not expect me or understand why i am so hurt and bothered by it? My fiance is far more catholic than myself, and would prefer that i not be on any type of birth control. He recently told me that sex isn't worth it to him if i have to be on hormones or he has to use condoms, it should be completely natural. I told him that i would not become a baby machine and quit my career to raise his empire for him. Birth control is a must in our marriage and if it doesn't work for some reason, then we will have a baby and deal with it; we will be married and we are already succesful. His reply was that we will concern ourselves with that when we get to it. That really bothered me, i have no intention of staying off birth control, and i am in fear that he will withhold sex from me within our marriage. I can't get him to promise me that that birth control within our marriage will not be a problem for our sex life. The thing is, he only recently got obsessed about me not being on birth control, and if i am not, than we will not make love until after we are married. It's as simple as this, i enjoy sex and i don't want to give it up with my fiance for the next 4.5 months. My plan is to stay off BC for a couple of months and then go back on just before our wedding. i will have better control of whether or not we have a child, but if an accident happens, we will be ok. He tells me that 4.5 months is nothing, and that he's hurt by the fact that the sex is so important to me, i'm hurt for the exact opposite reasons. He says it's to ensure that i don't get pregnant before our wedding, but i feel undesirable, unsexy, and punished by him for taking this out of our lives. How should i address this? Let the four months go and enjoy married "Love" or somehow insist on physical love between now and then? Any guidance is appreciated.