[Merika]

** If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something
called labor!

** Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your
car, and you get about the same results.

** The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are
still on your side.

** Avenge yourself ~~~ live long enough to be a problem to your children.

** The best way to keep kids at home is to give it a loving atmosphere ~~
and hide the keys to the car.

** Parents: People who bare infants, bore teenagers, and board
newlyweds.

** The joy of motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the children are finally in bed.

** Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need babysitters and
too young to borrow the family car.

** Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he
can tell when he's really in trouble.

** Grandparents are similar to a piece of string ~ handy to have around
and easily wrapped around the fingers of grandchildren.

** There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire
someone to do it, or forbid your children to do it.

** Adolescence is the age when children try to bring up their parents.

** Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel
the driveway during a snowstorm.

** Oh, to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was
small, and half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am.

** There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable
diseases and his mother's age.

** Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions
because they know all the answers.

** An alarm clock is a device for awakening people who don't have small
children.