I hope you don't mind my asking, because I think it's a really interesting pov: do you not see Jesus as son of God who died to wash out sins?
I guess I've seen Richard Chamberlain too may times in that movie
About forgiving yourself: to me, being able to ask for forgiveness from him means accepting that you're wrong and in a way, accepting your self. By asking him to forgive me, I think that subconsciently I ask myself to do that...
Don't know if I'm making any sense here.
About wanting quick answers... sometimes just getting through the day in a great achievement also (I comute, I live 2 hours away from my school, which makes it 4 hours on the road, changing trains, buses... we have a 2 hours break and usually 8 hours of courses a day... I'm not even counting
)