[Star]

It's a really good thing that you are getting some help to help you deal with being molested DA. Have you confronted your cousin about it?

I was molested by a female babysitter at the age of 7. I never told my parents until after I had Krystal. As a matter of fact, I had blocked it out of my head and when I had Krystal is when it all came back to me. It explains why I was such an angry child up until then.

When I told my parents, they were shocked and very upset that this happened to me and they had no clue. I did get proffessional help so I can talk about it and put it in it's place. The psychiatrist told me that what I remember isn't all of it. I've blocked a lot of it. I did ask him to hypnotize me but he refused. He said that I would remember everything when my mind is ready to. I still don't remember all of it and that's Okay with me.

This babysitter used to make my brothers go to bed and let me stay up late with her. What I remember is her making play "doctor" with her in my bed. She made me do things to her. Whether she touched me, I don't remember but I'm sure she did. She did this for quite awhile. Everytime she babysat us. She would come over the day after and bring me candy, skipping ropes, little gifts so that I wouldn't tell anyone. She told me that if I told my parents or anyone, they wouldn't believe me and they wuold blame me and I would get into big trouble. Being so young and naiive, I believed her and I was too scared to tell.

Back then when I was a kid, parents didn't talk to their kids about things like this. It happened a lot back then (I have friends who it happened to also) because it wasn't talked about. Didn't seem to be a worry for anyone.

I still remember her face and her name. If ever I go back to where I grew up, I will find her and confront her about it. I might even slap her face, who knows. I can't have her charged with anything since it's been so long ago but I will be satisfied just to confront her about it and let her know that the little girl she sexually abused did grow up and does remember what she did to her.

These child molesters forget that the kids do grow up and they do remember. I don't understand how an udult can hurt a child like this. Take their innocence away from them and confuse them for most of their lives.

Since I was molested by a female, I was ashamed and embarrassed. Being molested doesn't feel too good and hurts enough but when it's somebody of the same sex as you are, it's worse I think. I never thought of myself as a lesbian because I know I'm not and never would be. My fear was if people knew, would they think I am because I was molested by a female? Turns out that I had nothing to fear about.

I have dealt with the pain of being molested as a child. I don't even think about it too much anymore unless the subject comes up. But, I will one day confront my abuser face to face. I am looking forward to that day. Maybe that's when I'll remember more, who knows.