Don't feel gulity, SH. You do so well with Noah. Saying what you did is not mental abuse.
There are some really very effective systems for helping control this type of behaviour. I've seen them work, even in schools with kids with behavioural difficulties where discipline has broken down. PM me if you want details. They all work on a system of rewards, punishments and very consistent application of the "rules".
I'd take some of the toys out of his room and restrict access to the TV (putting it up on a wall stand and removing the remote is a good way of achieving this). Don't do it as a punishment (too long has passed since the event) but to enable you to reward him when he does well (no spitting, hurting etc.). At this age, the rewards/punishment need to be very closely linked to the good/bad behaviour to have maximum effect.
I find exclusion to be the best form of punishment. A naughty step on the stairs or some such place. A warning (if you can fit it in) works well too.
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