[Cindy]

Originally Posted by Meanon

I do it when I begin to feel resentful, because then I reckon it's unfair to get all

without telling the person how you feel.

I agree with that Meanon. Unfortunately, I have a hard time figuring out how to express how I feel without hurting their feelings.

If you attack someone, you are often making all sorts of judgements about them based on their conduct which may or may not be accurate. Better to stick to how you feel, I find, as it means you are more likely to get a constructive response.

Meanon, can you explain how to tell the difference between "attacking" someone and telling them how you feel? Sometimes people may think they are just telling someone how they feel, yet the person thinks they are being attacked, when that is not what you are meaning to do at all.

I think that's a big problem for most people, knowing how to communicate with so many different types of people with different backgrounds, personalities and life experiences...knowing how they are going to take what you say.

So many people get defensive when you try to explain how you feel and why you feel that way. Through the counseling I've had in my lifetime and books I have read, I've always been told that your feelings and thoughts are owned by you and you have a right to them, even if others don't agree with them or understand them. I have a hard time knowing how to deal with people who get angry with me when I try to express my feelings and thoughts. In my own mind, I'm just trying to be honest with them.

How do you figure out how to know the difference between whether what you say might be construed as an attack or just being honest about your feelings? Help!