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Abuse is a nasty term as it encompasses all that is fundamentally wrong with us and in doing so, removes hope from virtually every sub-category it parents. I'm honestly starting to believe that the word abuse is becoming a blanket term adding explanation as to why we're all so miserable. Many resources I look to state there are three forms of abuse; Psychological, Physical and Neglect but in todays world I find it hard to believe there are only three. You need look no further than your own TV Set and you'll see many forms of abuse from abusing our planet to abuse of our legal system to abuse of human rights to abuse of power.
As you can plainly see, there's nothing in the above makes the heart warmer; nothing I've mentioned to this point even gives us hope or a chance at a positive outlook. Maybe the world really is sliding downhill fast and the end is near; maybe the time has come and armageddon is close at hand? ...or maybe, just maybe, we're becoming a bitter race steeped in pessimism and the quest for serving our own best interests has clouded our perception of good and bad? Personally I just think our hearts are closing and taking our minds with them. Today I choose to take the high road on the subject of abuse and actually demonstrate times where abuse can actually be a good thing. The way I see it, there are two forms of abuse only and everything else is a subcategory of one or the other: - Good (healthy) abuse: good abuse is used as a vehicle for bonding, lightening a situation and/or just having fun.
- Negative (unhealthy) abuse: negative abuse is used for nefarious reasons such as power, control, neglect, ignorance and/or used as an outlet for anger.
Sadly, negative abuse is all around us; just watch the news hour and you'll see what I mean. Unfortunately negative forms of abuse are so entrenched in many of our daily lives that we just gloss over the good forms of abuse. Don't believe me, well here's some examples of what I consider to be good forms of abuse: - smack talk with your friends: not only is this a relationship builder but also a great stress reliever.
- insulting your children with Love: yes, I actually encourage you to make fun of your kids now and then. I think it's a huge character builder and provides them with tools to use later in life to protect themselves. Of course you only do this to your kids so they can respond, NEVER say anything derogatory about your kid if they are not present to defend themselves!
- self doubt: when used in moderation this can be a good thing. You know that inner voice that says you acted like an @ss, listen to it because it was probably right on the money. I think the inner voice is the most abusive portion of our psyche but I like to believe it's there for a good reason and if used correctly you WILL learn from it.
I believe that the points listed above are beneficial to all of us and not only help with the relationships in our lives but also work as good stress relievers. Not only that but they also help with your level of wit and response timing when it comes to defending yourself thus reducing the instances of "I wish I had said...".
I do want to make one thing perfectly clear though in closing, while some forms of abuse can be a good thing, it is never OK to hurt someone either accidentally or deliberately. If you really must defend yourself against someone who has clear issues with you, it's always best to take the high road. Sinking to an abusers level is not only counter productive but you're the only one who suffers because of it. Discuss good abuse in our forums. |
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