I remember as a child hearing that you must never say anything negative about those who have passed on and therefore, must always show respect for the dead. I've never thought much about respecting the dead until a few years ago when my grandfather (on my fathers side) passed on and more recently when my grandmother (also on my father's side) died.

To speak highly of these people would be lying both to you and myself so I won't endeavor to do so. I would, however, like to approach the topic of whether or not the dead actually deserve respect regardless of who they were and how they acted in life.

If you are a constant reader at Lifesupporters.com, you'll be familiar with the fact that I must ad a personal disclaimer now and then. I do this simply because it's imperative to me that you know I'm not trying to force my opinion on you, nor am I publishing content in a spiteful manner. The reason I publish content on Lifesupporters.com is because it's something that has either educated myself or our members or is a topic that usually has grey areas to it. I also only publish content here that I think will help ease your mind if you agree with me and give you a vehicle to voice your point of view within our forums. At the end of the day, all opinions here are just that, opinion, and as such may not always be inline with your beliefs and/or values. 

That said...

I have no fond memories of either grandparent on my father’s side of the family yet I still remember my Babuska and Deduska (Mothers side, Russian) with fondness, respect and great affection. My Russian grandparents passed away when I was a little boy yet I still remember them with a warm heart. I even take my daughter to visit their final resting place when we're in the area (close to 480 miles away). The last visit was a few years ago with my daughter, my mother and I standing, heads bowed as I delivered a tearful eulogy to these wonderful people. I can truly say that I didn't know them well enough as I was quite young when they died but I did know them long enough to love and honor them and that was all that's important. Now that I've matured and had time to reflect on the few memories I have of my Russian Grandparents, I can say without a doubt that I did respect them as a child and will continue to respect them both until the day of my own death. 

I was too young to truly mourn my Russian grandparents but I'm not too young to mourn these other two yet I have no room in my heart to do so. Neither of my grandparents (on my fathers side) did anything of note that would make me feel anything other than contempt for them in death.

I should mourn these two under normal circumstances but normalcy wasn't a term you could link with these people so I choose not to think much about either of them. In fact, the only thing their death has brought me is additional contempt for the people they were in life and I find the moral implications of this fact disturbing. Simply put, I had no respect for them in life so what would be the reason for me to respect them now that their both dead? 

The problem is that my lack of respect for these people in death and my subsequent publishing of it here makes me question my own values. I wonder now if there is a part of me that is dooming my soul to eternal damnation simply because I cannot honor bad people even if their dead. Does this make me the same as these two people or does it make me worse because I can't respect a time honored rule of respect for the dead?

What's worse is I'm no role model to my child in regards to respect for the dead as she knows how I truly feel as well. Does my soul now burn for a thousand eternities now that I've not only disgraced the dead but also tainted the thought process of an innocent child? Have I betrayed my daughter by admitting the truth of my feelings? Does this make me a bad role model for my child as even though I've been honest with my feelings, I still hold contempt and bitterness in my heart for these two people?

Do you feel the dead deserve respect regardless of who they were in life?

Feel free to discuss the topic of respect for the dead in our forums; we'd love to hear your input.