A child is truly one of Gods greatest gifts and should be cherished at every possible moment. The sad truth about children is they only remain children for so long and once it’s gone, it’s gone forever. In it's place are the cherished memories you helped create that you can reflect upon for the remainder of your days.

...this is of course if you're lucky.

What follows is the story of how one loving mother lost her most precious treasure and much of what remains are doubts overshadowing the warm memories. If there’s one thing the following story needs to relate it is this; treasure and appreciate your time with child because you never know how abruptly that time may end.

A tribute to my daughter Lauren

What a blessing it was to have such a perfect child as Lauren for my daughter. The love and caring I experienced with her was above and beyond anything I've ever experienced.

The first thing that comes to mind when I think of my daughter Lauren is her smile. Her smile was infectious as it would not only light her beautiful blue eyes but make me smile as well. I remember with fondness how she'd get her hands on an object and try to pronounce what it was only to have it come out in complete gibberish; I don't even think I could spell what she was trying to say.

As wonderful a child you were there still came times when discipline was necessary but who was actually in charge is still in question? I remember how difficult discipline was because your crying would simply overwhelm me with guilt and I'd be forced to let you off the hook. I can still see the lovely smile that followed, it always made my day.

I find it extremely hard to come to terms with your passing, to realize I can no longer hold you and hear your laugh. The only place I can hold you now is in my dreams I just wish I didn't have to wake up.

I'm besieged with guilt over your early passing and struggle to not blame myself for what happened...if only I had driven a little slower, if only we had left a little later, if only we had stayed at home, if only... The accident put you in a coma for nearly 2 weeks until your brain swelled and took your life. At 3 years old you had no control over what happened to you and it's this fact that's eating me inside.

My mind tells tries to assure me it was just a tragic accident but the hole left in my heart isn't nearly as forgiving. The same thought continually runs through my mind that it's my fault and I killed you. Added to my guilt is my longing to be with you, each day I can't I die just a little more inside.

What hurts most is the wondering if I could have done more with the time we did share? I wouldn't change for the world tucking you in at night and reading you a story and I'd give anything to do that one last time.

I want you to know Lauren that I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Every night I look up at the stars and hope you are in a better place with your dad watching over you.

What keeps me going are the memories of you and the blessing it was to be with you. I feel your presence everyday through memories of our special times. Everything you did made a significant memory in my heart from the very first time I held you at the hospital to the last hug I ever gave you.

There is no closing to this message as it will only be complete when we meet in Heaven.

I'm sending this message care of the Holy Spirit, so you can be reminded of my continuing love for you.

Love you always my dearest Lauren,

mummy.

...

Should you wish to leave your comments please do so in this topic.

Words of Support:

Kathy,

I haven't known you for long, but since I've 'met' you, I really want to say how proud I am to know you! I've watched you work so hard to get your life back together since your tragic loss. I want you to know how inspiring you are because I know each day has been a challenge.

I admire your honesty about your feelings and how hard you are trying to move ahead for a better life. I think you will be an inspiration to many people because you are making it possible for them to believe that they can rise from the very depths of despair and be able to live a loving life again beyond the pain. I think you should be commended for your inner work, very highly commended indeed!

The most difficult pain to deal with in one's life is the death of a child, but moving on, knowing your child is an Angel now. You will never forget her, and none of us will ever understand why these things happen, but they do. It is in the healing and living life again is the challenge, which you are proving can be done.

Realizing it was an accident and not intentional, therefore forgiving yourself, and now loving and honoring her memory.

With Love, Respect, and Admiration,

~ Luba

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